John Lobb and Me (Zebedee Helm)

My New Years resolution is (once again) to try and write this blog a bit more often. I just don’t know where my other fellow top bloggers find the time? Why do it at all, I sometimes find myself asking myself? I then reply to myself (last time I use that word in this paragraph, promise) you do it because you are compelled so to do, by the fates, by destiny. I didn’t choose to be born at this websitey time in history, I didn’t particularly want to have a blog at all, it was the man who built the site for me back in 1966 who insisted that I have one, something to do with the WordPress platform he was using. I knew that I would struggle to keep on top of the responsibility of keeping my fans (Roger in France and my new one, who is a lady, I have broad appeal) topped up with words. Anyway I’m back and I’m more determined than ever to file a report at least once a month (or six months depending).

My first blog of 2015 (which this is) is a self-publicising one. I’ve looked into the subject and it is quite clear that this is the WHOLE POINT of writing on the internet. As we’re writing for free we have a responsibility to the Economic System to be blowing our own noses tubas trumpets. You can see however that I’m not very good at it as I’ve got this far and I’ve hardly mentioned myself or John Lobb at all yet. Soooo… John Lobb is a shoe and boot maker of great fame and repute and last year they asked me to design them a calendar, which I did. It was printed very small, as it was mainly for the Asian market and the Asian market likes things very small and dinky, apparently, also it would’ve been quite a bit cheaper to produce. As I’ve got nothing better (i.e. paid) to do today I will talk you through them, month by month. Take note however that you can’t print them off and use them as an actual calendar, because they are for last year (2014) and this year the days will fall on different numbers, I am told.

January: I start the year at a brisk pace and no mistake! Cunningly I have substituted an actual bobsleigh for a yellow shoe! The cunning doesn’t stop there however, it goes right on into the title. Looking at the picture now I fear that I did get a bit carried away with the curls on the bobsleigh course, which now resembles the tangled flex of my cleverPhone ear pieces. I am convinced that more road accidents are caused by people trying to de-tangle their headphones in the desperate attempt to be hands free than by driving one handed.






February: In this Scottish river scene scenario I have re-visited the old catching a boot gag. HOWEVER the boot is not a gaping toed ex-tramp affair but a gleaming new lovely John Lobb one. There is a handsome yellow Labrador on the river bank which I have mirthfully called a John Lobbrador, but it’s sadly too small to read.


March: This Month 007es (oozes) with style. John Lobb do actually make a driving shoe in conjunction with Aston Martin, (I prefer driving mine in bare feet).



April: 3 chaps enjoying some afternoon tea al dente fresco. One of them is about to bring down the swatter on the first wasp of the year. In my first version of this drawing there was a gun on the table, implying that the recumbent man on the left had been shot and wasn’t enjoying a snooze at all! This was considered a bit violent for a shoe calendar.



May: I have taken the Lobb of John Lobb and hit it with the middle of the tennis bat, causing a literal lob to occur. Whoever said that the pun was the lowest form of humour was quite wrong. Puns are quite wonderful. The lowest form of humour is without any doubt the anagram



June: Here we are at Ascot. I forgot to mention that there was some sort of a loose theme for the calendar, and that was seasonal British happenings. Ascot is of course the annual Womens Silly Hat Wearing Festival, so I’ve subtly smuggled the requisite boot in as a silly hat.



July: I did submit a version of this one where our heroes were not in a boat but in a yellow boot, and the title was ‘3 Men in a Boot’. We thought that this was SO funny that people might actually die from laughing, so we went with this one instead.



August: I’ve put shoes on the lobster’s claws, which makes them safer to handle.



September: You can’t see what’s going on in the basket due to the chic tininess of the print job. There is a man reclining in the basket with binoculars observing the unusual seabirds who’s necks and heads are in fact smart yellow boots.



October: I was rather pleased with the title of this one.



November: I’m bored now, you can clearly see what’s going on in this one for yourself…



December: I really must get back to work…






8 January, 2015 (18:27) | Musings | By: admin